unfair

Mondays are tough as it is. The Monday after spring break is even tougher.

My Monday wasn't so bad. The usual frustrations of unattentiveness, being unprepared, and too talkative were all there.
Sunday night we got back from Ohio and I worked on lesson plans. Last minute...as usual. I was looking over my data from our last benchmark as I planned. I was surprised when I saw that my one "red student" wasn't who I thought it was. I had assumed that it was my student on a second grade reading level. She's always been red, and she requires a lot of one-on-one time. It wasn't!! She made it up to yellow (there are 4 levels: below basic, basic, profficient, and advanced). Making it only to yellow sounds like a small feat, but this is HUGE for her. I pulled her aside on Monday and told her how proud I was of her. She let out a small grin and a nod of thanks. She rarely, rarely speaks. She is so low, and it's hard for a normal conversation to even happen (which makes it difficult for forming friendships). From what I've learned, some forms of abuse have definitely taken place.
She seriously is one of my sweetest students. Some of the other kids stick up for her, which is rare. She's the kind of gentle spirit that helps you have patience...even when she doesn't know her birthday (month or year) or that 3 + 4 =7 and not 5.
I've spoken to people previously to try and get her tested for special ed. She needs the extra assistance, and I have felt guilty when I couldn't give her as much as she needs. I mentioned her again to my literacy coach and she told her I hadn't been able to reach her mother. She spoke with our "parent liason" ( Mrs. B.) and she got in contact with her mom.
We just wanted to start taking the necessary steps for testing...

I didn't think about it the rest of the day. With about twenty minutes left of school, we had a tornado drill. While my class (and the rest of the hall) were struggling to sit quietly, Mrs. B. came and found me. She told me that my student wasn't zoned for our school and had been riding the city bus to her old bus stop across town and then riding the bus to school. She literally was riding all across Nashville for about two hours in the morning and afternoon (and she struggles to have conversations and communicate effectively due to her being so low). I was floored. She said that it was her last day and she'd start at a new school Tuesday. I asked if she had already left school or if there was a way I could tell her goodbye. Mrs. B. said she was in guidance and that she'd watch my class while I ran in there.
When I walked in guidance, she was sitting in a chair shaking her leg quickly and trying to read and understand the forms she was holding. I sat down next to her, and she looked up timidly and struggled to put on a smile. I put my hand on her leg and told her I just found out. She still didn't say a word. I asked if she was ok - stupid question, but I was struggling to know what to say. She just nodded as she continued to shake her legs. I now grabbed her hand and asked her a question.
I looked at her and asked her if she knew that I loved her. I told her that I loved her a lot and that I was proud of her. I was so happy she was in my class and I loved every minute of it. She lost it, and tears just poured from her eyes. I pulled her in and held her in the guidance office - now, of course, tears are flowing down my cheeks too.
I told her I had to go back to my class, but that I would gladly talk to any of her teachers. I told her to tell them to call me (knowing she'll never have the guts to say more than a sentence at a time to them). I told her she was an awesome student and I would tell her teachers if they needed to know, but that they'd realize and love her as soon as they met her.

Still, she said nothing.

I walked back to my class who was now being yelled at by our assistant principal for being so loud. and I didn't care. My heart was aching for my girl.
I saw her one last time as she was walking to her bus. Still not a word from her, but I hugged her again. I told her I loved her and she better not forget it. She started tearing up again as she walked toward her bus.

I told some of her teachers who didn't know, and one was just as upset as I was. Another suggested it was a postive thing because she was such a low test score. Seriously? I just walked away.

Here's another moment of me looking like the "overly attached first year teacher." BUT the second these feelings leave I'll know I shouldn't be teaching anymore.

spring break.

I forgot to tell you about the drug dogs. Joys of high school teaching, right? WRONG- joys ofmiddle school.

Right about after the last post, I had a student start yelling to her friend right before class started. She was yelling about how it is the dumbest thing to do to smoke weed before school. Or anytime, but especially before 10 AM. I was in the room and confronted the friend "M" about it. She said, "K" had just told her she tried weed for the first time before school. "K" came to me because she knew I knew at this point. She didn't want to get in trouble so she asked if she could call her mom. I sent her to guidance. We had a long talk later about how incredibly smart (she's one of my few advanced students) and funny she is, and how that is not something she needs in her life.

Two days later lockdown for hour and a half. "random" drug search. I'm not thinking it's so random that they choose my class to search. ...especially after the record some of my kids have had lately.

Drug dog searching lockers.

All of my morning students in rows in the hallway.

emptied pockets.

spread eagle for a metal detector.

drug dog searching my room.

emptying out every bag in my room.

It's a little nerve-wrecking when this is going on. I just stood there and kept trying to understand where I was and what I was doing.

They didn't find anything in my room or on my kids. so it was ok this time.

It's been hard trying to be positive at school. There has been a lot of pressure before TCAP time. Our administration is receiving pressure, which results in pressure for us. It's hard, but we're all trying to work harder. I have pulled more small groups than I ever have (in a middle school classroom this is an accomplishment)...(if you doubt that- see previous post).

It gave positive results.

As Coach Jones would say, "We reaped big dividends."

My kids did the best they've ever done on their benchmarks. I know this is totally due to the wonderful support of my literacy coach and a great peer-teacher. It's nice to see. We just have to keep this up toward TCAP time.

On another positive note: It's spring break.

I've been so blessed to spend time with Emily. I have missed her and will miss her so much. It has been so refreshing not to be at school and spend some extra time with the people I love. AND it's ONLY day two.

I know this week will go by fast, but good food, friends, and family is refreshing for the final push of the school year. (notice food came first...not intentional, but at least the good food happens with friends and family. )

:)

currently reading: Three Cups of Tea

current song I can't stop listening/singing to: "Like an Avalanche" -Hillsong United, Aftermath