3 and 1/2 days left?!?!

The end of a school year is an interesting thing. There are such bittersweet feelings about it (especially this year - for many reasons).

I'm closing up my first year of teaching?!! What the heck?...when did that happen??!!

As of today we have 3 and 1/2 school days left. I am so ready for a break, but there's something that still pulls me back to my kiddos. I'm going to miss them...most of them. ;)

Last two weeks of school highlights:

• found note talking about weapons
• searched classroom with principal
• homemade weapons found (sharpened comb, sharpened screw, and driver.)
• realized I probably won't see some of these kids ever again...
• kickball tournament and our team name/slogan : Humble's HammerZ, "We'll nail you!"

This year has taught me so many things.

I've been excited with kids as they run to me from other classes showing off their good grades. I've cried over lost loved ones, hurt feelings, and broken hearts. I've danced "The Stanky Leg," "The Dougie," and many others. I've held kids back from fighting. I've searched my room for drugs...and weapons...

But, I've learned a new sense of patience.

I've learned holding a kid while they cry is enough sometimes.

I've learned that procedures in a classroom are your keys to success.

I've learned I mess up a lot.

I've learned I get more boogers in my nose than I thought...

I've also learned that middle schoolers will always tell you when you have a booger in your nose.

I've learned that I will get told I'm as white as Snow White, that I need to pluck my "uni-brow", that I can't dance, and that my hair is messed up. Most importantly...I've been told "I love you Mrs. Humble," and "Thank you, Mrs. Humble."

I've learned a kid who enters your class on a 3rd grade reading level with no self-esteem, CAN leave on grade level or above!! (those who doubted...take that!)

I've learned it's impossible to make it through a day with 7th graders and not crack up laughing at some point.

I've learned new meanings of grace.

...and with 3 and 1/2 days left, I know more lessons are on the way.

I can't even begin to imagine the lessons that will take place next year. But, I can't wait.

unfair

Mondays are tough as it is. The Monday after spring break is even tougher.

My Monday wasn't so bad. The usual frustrations of unattentiveness, being unprepared, and too talkative were all there.
Sunday night we got back from Ohio and I worked on lesson plans. Last minute...as usual. I was looking over my data from our last benchmark as I planned. I was surprised when I saw that my one "red student" wasn't who I thought it was. I had assumed that it was my student on a second grade reading level. She's always been red, and she requires a lot of one-on-one time. It wasn't!! She made it up to yellow (there are 4 levels: below basic, basic, profficient, and advanced). Making it only to yellow sounds like a small feat, but this is HUGE for her. I pulled her aside on Monday and told her how proud I was of her. She let out a small grin and a nod of thanks. She rarely, rarely speaks. She is so low, and it's hard for a normal conversation to even happen (which makes it difficult for forming friendships). From what I've learned, some forms of abuse have definitely taken place.
She seriously is one of my sweetest students. Some of the other kids stick up for her, which is rare. She's the kind of gentle spirit that helps you have patience...even when she doesn't know her birthday (month or year) or that 3 + 4 =7 and not 5.
I've spoken to people previously to try and get her tested for special ed. She needs the extra assistance, and I have felt guilty when I couldn't give her as much as she needs. I mentioned her again to my literacy coach and she told her I hadn't been able to reach her mother. She spoke with our "parent liason" ( Mrs. B.) and she got in contact with her mom.
We just wanted to start taking the necessary steps for testing...

I didn't think about it the rest of the day. With about twenty minutes left of school, we had a tornado drill. While my class (and the rest of the hall) were struggling to sit quietly, Mrs. B. came and found me. She told me that my student wasn't zoned for our school and had been riding the city bus to her old bus stop across town and then riding the bus to school. She literally was riding all across Nashville for about two hours in the morning and afternoon (and she struggles to have conversations and communicate effectively due to her being so low). I was floored. She said that it was her last day and she'd start at a new school Tuesday. I asked if she had already left school or if there was a way I could tell her goodbye. Mrs. B. said she was in guidance and that she'd watch my class while I ran in there.
When I walked in guidance, she was sitting in a chair shaking her leg quickly and trying to read and understand the forms she was holding. I sat down next to her, and she looked up timidly and struggled to put on a smile. I put my hand on her leg and told her I just found out. She still didn't say a word. I asked if she was ok - stupid question, but I was struggling to know what to say. She just nodded as she continued to shake her legs. I now grabbed her hand and asked her a question.
I looked at her and asked her if she knew that I loved her. I told her that I loved her a lot and that I was proud of her. I was so happy she was in my class and I loved every minute of it. She lost it, and tears just poured from her eyes. I pulled her in and held her in the guidance office - now, of course, tears are flowing down my cheeks too.
I told her I had to go back to my class, but that I would gladly talk to any of her teachers. I told her to tell them to call me (knowing she'll never have the guts to say more than a sentence at a time to them). I told her she was an awesome student and I would tell her teachers if they needed to know, but that they'd realize and love her as soon as they met her.

Still, she said nothing.

I walked back to my class who was now being yelled at by our assistant principal for being so loud. and I didn't care. My heart was aching for my girl.
I saw her one last time as she was walking to her bus. Still not a word from her, but I hugged her again. I told her I loved her and she better not forget it. She started tearing up again as she walked toward her bus.

I told some of her teachers who didn't know, and one was just as upset as I was. Another suggested it was a postive thing because she was such a low test score. Seriously? I just walked away.

Here's another moment of me looking like the "overly attached first year teacher." BUT the second these feelings leave I'll know I shouldn't be teaching anymore.

spring break.

I forgot to tell you about the drug dogs. Joys of high school teaching, right? WRONG- joys ofmiddle school.

Right about after the last post, I had a student start yelling to her friend right before class started. She was yelling about how it is the dumbest thing to do to smoke weed before school. Or anytime, but especially before 10 AM. I was in the room and confronted the friend "M" about it. She said, "K" had just told her she tried weed for the first time before school. "K" came to me because she knew I knew at this point. She didn't want to get in trouble so she asked if she could call her mom. I sent her to guidance. We had a long talk later about how incredibly smart (she's one of my few advanced students) and funny she is, and how that is not something she needs in her life.

Two days later lockdown for hour and a half. "random" drug search. I'm not thinking it's so random that they choose my class to search. ...especially after the record some of my kids have had lately.

Drug dog searching lockers.

All of my morning students in rows in the hallway.

emptied pockets.

spread eagle for a metal detector.

drug dog searching my room.

emptying out every bag in my room.

It's a little nerve-wrecking when this is going on. I just stood there and kept trying to understand where I was and what I was doing.

They didn't find anything in my room or on my kids. so it was ok this time.

It's been hard trying to be positive at school. There has been a lot of pressure before TCAP time. Our administration is receiving pressure, which results in pressure for us. It's hard, but we're all trying to work harder. I have pulled more small groups than I ever have (in a middle school classroom this is an accomplishment)...(if you doubt that- see previous post).

It gave positive results.

As Coach Jones would say, "We reaped big dividends."

My kids did the best they've ever done on their benchmarks. I know this is totally due to the wonderful support of my literacy coach and a great peer-teacher. It's nice to see. We just have to keep this up toward TCAP time.

On another positive note: It's spring break.

I've been so blessed to spend time with Emily. I have missed her and will miss her so much. It has been so refreshing not to be at school and spend some extra time with the people I love. AND it's ONLY day two.

I know this week will go by fast, but good food, friends, and family is refreshing for the final push of the school year. (notice food came first...not intentional, but at least the good food happens with friends and family. )

:)

currently reading: Three Cups of Tea

current song I can't stop listening/singing to: "Like an Avalanche" -Hillsong United, Aftermath

Maybe I should have been hit in the face a while ago!

I think we've all learned by now that I follow my heart more than my head sometimes.

OR...that I'm emotionally driven sometimes.

All this to say: I like to think I put my heart into what ever I'm doing.

This week wore me out. Seriously. God is incredible in how he works through weeks like this. His love is strong. But I am so tired - For many reasons, and most I'll leave out. As for the school part...I'll spill it:

Monday: Pretty "normal" day (for school).

Tuesday: I left half day because I was up all night sick...

While I am at home sleeping, there was a big gang fight at school during dismissal time. I miss everything (or so I thought). Also, the teacher across the hall from me was threatened by one of our students.

Wednesday: My first period enters and one of my students refused to take off his hood. After much coaxing, he removed it. To my utter disbelief, he had shaved the name of a hispanic gang (which was involved in previous day's fight) into his hair. He tried covering with his hand, but no such luck. The Asst. Principal came in the room to talk to the kids, and escorted him downstairs on her way out.

side note: This kid used to do so well for me. He's a hard kid, but we had a good relationship and he tried for me. This stopped about two months or so ago. I've been concerned and talk to the asst. principal about him and he was referred to guidance (it's not like we're oblivious).

I thought the drama was over.

After my students left for related arts, same asst. principal (a.p. for here on out) came to me looking for one of my other students. I didn't know where he was, but when I went in the hall a few minutes later she was in the hall with him. They were emptying out his locker. My a.p. told me they had reason to believe he was selling drugs. (This kid has some of the highest test scores in my class.)

I walked down in the office and they had another of my boys down there for the same thing. Again, high test scores. So smart. I wish they realized.

Meanwhile, a kid from my afternoon class (totally removed from this situation) had drugs with him also. 4 of my boys.

I had a hard time with this. Comments like, "it's not surprising," or "figures," have really frustrated me this week. I love those kids. This killed me. 4 of my boys in trouble alternative school/ twilight school/ suspended...

Thursday: umm...it was a blurr. Stuff happened. My afternoon class was horrible.

Friday: Morning group was fine. Then, the afternoon. I was still pretty frustrated from how they acted Thursday. SO, I changed my technique. I stayed extremely and weirdly calm. They did not know how to handle it. It took them a while to recognize the difference, or even care. Which, a few still didn't care. I had them working independently, while I pulled a small group. Small group work is our focus. I've been trying to keep the other kids from killing each other while that happens, because in my other class it works great. Today, two students (one who already had a referral for telling another kid to "kiss his booty," but let's just say those weren't his words) were arguing. The male student had been bothering everyone the entire day. The female student had done really well for about 2 hours to ignore him. She LOST it about twenty minutes before the bell rang. He got out of his seat and started messing with her...poking her, hitting her with a book, throwing paper at her, etc...She hit back and then decided to throw a book at him...

well, he moved out of the way.

It hit me in the face. (yes, hardback book. yes, left a red mark.)

He continued to yell at me and get extremely defiant as I yelled for him to sit down.

I swear I'm not an oblivious teacher. This class is horrible and you learn to pick your battles. When you are making major progress in your small group (SUCH A HUGE PUSH AND FOCUS FOR TEACHERS IN OUR SCHOOL), and told to try to block out the others for a few minutes at a time...I guess this can happen.

Needless to say, I was frustrated. I was...no longer calm...

I kicked one of the kids (obviously the one who continued to yell at me. the one who had been cussing earlier) out of my class and a class down the hall heard me yell. My team leader came to give me some referrals. I told her what happened. Another student overheard.

This other student has already been out of school suspended, alternative school, you name it! He's tough. Impossible to get to work. BUT...I seriously love this kid. He used to be in my class.

He thought I said the male student hit me. He started chasing him down the hall and kept yelling, "Don't worry Mrs. Humble, I'll get him!" We got him to calm down. He kept saying, "Please don't quit Mrs. Humble. You can't. Please don't quit."

All of the kids thought I was going to quit.

It was an eye-opener to what they're used to. They mess up, or treat you bad, or even if they don't...people walk out on them. I reassured him I wouldn't. He went back to class. He came back before he went to the bus and just walked up and hugged me. He said, "I'm sorry about all that Mrs. Humble. I got your back."

You don't understand...this kid doesn't show affection, or concern for anyone, or normal human characteristics very often. ESPECIALLY if others are around him.

*At the end of the day another teacher talked with me for a while. They were very encouraging and supportive. But, I was recommended to pull back a little...that I was too emotionally involved. That I let it burden me too much...that I needed to not take what the kids do or have done so personally (like the drugs, gang fight, etc...).

I'm sorry, but I can't NOT let it bother me.

When that happens. I'm done.

I love them, and when they left today I forgot to say it. I was in the hall. When they walked out of my room a few yelled down the hall to me, "love you, Mrs. Humble!"

Maybe a few are getting it.

Loving THAT kid.

My afternoon class, that I think I have mentioned before...if not, just go with it.

Well, they know how to try and get the best of me (to say the least). I try to not let that happen. Try is the key word.

Four of the students in that class were moved to my morning class. BECAUSE, if you've never seen a group of 26 middle schoolers...in the afternoon...in one class for 2 and 1/2 hours...you wouldn't get it (BUT just try and imagine). Not to mention, it's a class of 3/4 boys.

Anyways...this class is smaller now. Smaller, yes. BUT, not easier.

After a week of snow days, I knew this week would be a little challenging (not too mention the amount of catching up we had/have ahead.)

Things started out ok, but we've had some major challenges. One of my students blew up at another student and "peaced out" of my room...after saying a few choice words. Apparently, something had happened in a previous class.

The next day, my student with aspergers/bi-polar disorder/ADHD went on a screaming rant as he came into my classroom. He left before it started. He yelled at me, threw things in the class, and took off down the hall before the bell rang. He slammed doors in the bathroom and began to pace the hallway (But, he's a whole other story). He left early. He wasn't at school today. It worries me.

After the adventures of Tuesday and Wednesday (and the whole year) I had a realization:

I have to love them individually.

As a class, that is almost impossible. Let's be honest, some will be harder than others. But, I will. AND, I do.

I have to love my child who never turns in his work, the one who smells sour because his clothes are dirty, the one who bullies (he really needs to be shown love), the one who is on a second grade reading level in the 7th grade, the one who never shuts-up, and the one who cries at the drop of a hat. These are a few of the hard ones. There are easy ones. But, I like a challenge.

I've started to make sure I tell them before they leave my room that I love them. You should have seen their faces the first time! A student with some of the biggest walls around him, smiled, and told me bye that day. That doesn't seem like a lot, I know. BUT...you have no idea. He NEVER wants to speak. He BARELY has spoken to me all year.

Don't get me wrong, I have the eye-rollers and the ones who pretend they didn't hear it. They heard it. They have to be quiet and hear it before they can leave my class everyday.

I'm saying it.

I mean it.

And they're just going to have to accept it.

We're learning to WORK HARD. We're learning to BE NICE. (we have a long way to go, but baby steps are still steps.)

Today added more years to my teaching career.

I must admit that I had been getting a little burnt out with the whole teaching thing before Christmas break. I know that's typical, but it was really bothering. I didn't want to anxiously await the break and dread going back.

BUT. I did.

I've been praying a lot lately that somehow, someway, I would start having the joy back for this tiring job. I've been trying to pray on my way to work and just have some good conversations with Him. I've been trying to take a minute during my "planning" period to ask for help and thank Him for the good things of the day so far.

Some days it is REALLY hard!

Today it was easy.

Today was one of the best teaching days I've had yet. I'm exhausted (46 middle schoolers will do that to you.)

BUT I think that means I did my job.

I had FUN.

We laughed. we jumped around. we made gestures for the standard we're learning. we voted with our feet to show what we knew. we read (and didn't fake read). we wrote great persuasive arguments (they're hilarious).

It's amazing what you'll get when you put "Persuade me to do something in 8 sentences" on the board.

Don't get me wrong, they still had their moments: I still told the same kid 2348 times to tuck in his shirt. I still told 44 out of 46 students to spit out their gum. I still made them turn around in the hallway to walk back and try it again (quieter) when walking to lunch. I still walked into the room and found two students wrestling on the floor (jokingly, of course. ha.) I still held a thirteen year old girl in my arms while she cried about her Grandpa having a heart-attack today. I still had to countdown for them to shut up. I found an "I'm Watching You, Mrs. Humble!!" sign/post-it note on my computer today.

-But none of that defined our class today.

It felt like one of the few days I can put a check mark by on the calendar and feel semi-successful about. :)

I taught.

Some of them learned. maybe.

I needed today. And. I'm thankful for today (and my kids).

Best thing I've heard in a while...

Levi and I sat outside and handed out candy for Holloween.

I think Spiderman is still the costume of choice for every boy under the age of 10.

Four-year old Spiderman and friend, four-year old Ironman, came to our porch. They seemed harmless at first.

...If you consider masked four-year olds harmless.

As they ran down the driveway, Ironman yells for Spiderman to wait for him. Spiderman seems uninterested in his new friend, Ironman.

When arriving at our steps, I do the usual "oohing" and "aahing" over their overstuffed-fake-muscley-costumes. Spiderman still doesn't speak. Ironman introduces them:

Ironman: (Points to self and speaks in a slow clear voice) I am Ironman. (With outstretched arms to new friend) Meet Spiderman.

Spiderman: (Still nothing but a "Trick-or-Treat.")

Ironman: (Pointing to Spiderman's unusually large pectoral muscles for a four-year old...) Spiderman has BOOBIES!! ...and a belt.

Spiderman: (looks down in utter concern...since he obviously had no idea what a booby was...)

This has definitely been the highlight of my week. :)