throwing off the hat for a while.

I now understand why there are breaks in a school year.

They're not for the students...well, maybe partially, but mostly for the teachers.

I feel semi-normal again. whatever that means.

I didn't realize how much of a hermit teaching made me. I go to school, come home, sleep, go to school, come home, etc... This fall break has helped me step out of that cycle. I'm so thankful.

I got to spend time with good friends yesterday. Friends that I haven't seen in a while. Friends that, luckily, i can pick right back up where we left off. I need to do better about that. Life gets so busy. It's stupid, really.

I need to take more pauses and see what's going on more.

As a teacher, I feel like I wear my "teacher" hat. This break has helped me throw off my hat for a while. I mean, I'm myself while I teach, but not to the extent I would like. I can't be. This fall break is letting me be Kaley again. Which is nice, since the definition of my name has changed so much these past few months. (not to mention the name change itself.)

I'm just thankful for a chance to be refreshed.

I'm thankful to be able to write. and draw. and lay around. and witness fall for a little. I haven't had a chance to notice my favorite season like I usually have.

We're headed to Ohio tonight for a few days. Levi actually took time off, too. :) It'll be nice to see the bonus-family and just be people for a few days. People without a specific title.

I love this break...really.

and my role is what again?

Teacher...
dictionary response: teacher- [tee-cher] –noun
a person who teaches or instructs, esp. as a profession; instructor.

thesaurus: synonyms: abecedary, adviser, assistant, coach, disciplinarian, educator, faculty member, guide, instructor, lecturer, mentor, pedagogue, preceptor, professor, pundit, scholar, schoolteacher, supervisor, teach*, trainer, tutor

Hmm...how can such a simple definition have so many hats?
And, they forgot- nurturer, advocate, leader, etc...you get the point.

I had a student in my class, who usually is way on top of things, start getting really distracted. She wasn't being disruptive, but my teacher instincts told me something was wrong. I pulled in her in the hallway to talk to her. She started balling. She continued to tell me that her aunt and 16 year old cousin had been shot the night before at a barbecue.
really?
so I hold her in my arms and let her cry. I, of course, can't hold back my tears either.
It's a crazy story that I don't have to get into, but this just shows a fragment of a fraction of what my kids go through.
A few weeks ago I had a student out for a week because his older brother overdosed.
I've shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich a few times with a kid who is hungry, and his mom breaks her promise of bringing him lunch. (and there's nothing at home)
There's the kid who has bruises on his arm...and they're not from football practice.

I'm supposed to teach them certain standards when they come into my class.
I teach.
The thing is, to teach I have to pray, laugh, yell, cry, and fight to get through it all.
They don't have a reason to trust me. Most of them don't and won't trust me, but some are starting to show that hope that they can.
They treat me like crap sometimes and talk to me with more disrespect than I thought possible.
But, I get the days where I get hugs (even in 7th grade). I get the comments from students that keep me here. I get the smiles, and when it's a good day- We get the grades that show learning is happening.
teaching is hard.
it's draining.
but i loke it.

next, it'll be Depends

I keep having these weird experiences of realizing that I'm adult. You think that would have happened when I graduated college (it did), or when I got married (it did). This is different though. I was sitting in my room eating with a few students, and they were talking about "what they wanted to be when they grew up." I joined in and started asking the students who hadn't said anything yet. When everyone had shared, I realized no one had asked me. When I said something about not asking me, they all laughed.
I'm 22. I'm not a grown-up.
They thought I was kidding. I started saying the different things I wanted to do. I listed many, many things...who knows if they'll be accomplished, but they're definitely not impossible.
When I kept talking, I had a student say, "but Mrs. Humble, you're already a grown-up. A teacher is what you picked."
Don't worry, I corrected him.
I made sure he knew I still had plenty of time for my other goals and dreams. We went on to talk about something else, but that really stuck with me.
Yes, I'm teaching. Yes, I'm a teacher. Yes, I like my job and I know that I'm doing what I'm "supposed" to be doing right now, but I have other goals...

I think it's ok to want to be teaching, but not want to be doing this job for 35 years until retirement. That mindset isn't right for everyone, right?
maybe I'm just a little off...
Oh, well. However long I teach. I'll teach with my heart. I'll love, teach, nurture, and laugh for as long as I'm needed, but there's more to come. I just feel it.