Loving THAT kid.

My afternoon class, that I think I have mentioned before...if not, just go with it.

Well, they know how to try and get the best of me (to say the least). I try to not let that happen. Try is the key word.

Four of the students in that class were moved to my morning class. BECAUSE, if you've never seen a group of 26 middle schoolers...in the afternoon...in one class for 2 and 1/2 hours...you wouldn't get it (BUT just try and imagine). Not to mention, it's a class of 3/4 boys.

Anyways...this class is smaller now. Smaller, yes. BUT, not easier.

After a week of snow days, I knew this week would be a little challenging (not too mention the amount of catching up we had/have ahead.)

Things started out ok, but we've had some major challenges. One of my students blew up at another student and "peaced out" of my room...after saying a few choice words. Apparently, something had happened in a previous class.

The next day, my student with aspergers/bi-polar disorder/ADHD went on a screaming rant as he came into my classroom. He left before it started. He yelled at me, threw things in the class, and took off down the hall before the bell rang. He slammed doors in the bathroom and began to pace the hallway (But, he's a whole other story). He left early. He wasn't at school today. It worries me.

After the adventures of Tuesday and Wednesday (and the whole year) I had a realization:

I have to love them individually.

As a class, that is almost impossible. Let's be honest, some will be harder than others. But, I will. AND, I do.

I have to love my child who never turns in his work, the one who smells sour because his clothes are dirty, the one who bullies (he really needs to be shown love), the one who is on a second grade reading level in the 7th grade, the one who never shuts-up, and the one who cries at the drop of a hat. These are a few of the hard ones. There are easy ones. But, I like a challenge.

I've started to make sure I tell them before they leave my room that I love them. You should have seen their faces the first time! A student with some of the biggest walls around him, smiled, and told me bye that day. That doesn't seem like a lot, I know. BUT...you have no idea. He NEVER wants to speak. He BARELY has spoken to me all year.

Don't get me wrong, I have the eye-rollers and the ones who pretend they didn't hear it. They heard it. They have to be quiet and hear it before they can leave my class everyday.

I'm saying it.

I mean it.

And they're just going to have to accept it.

We're learning to WORK HARD. We're learning to BE NICE. (we have a long way to go, but baby steps are still steps.)

Today added more years to my teaching career.

I must admit that I had been getting a little burnt out with the whole teaching thing before Christmas break. I know that's typical, but it was really bothering. I didn't want to anxiously await the break and dread going back.

BUT. I did.

I've been praying a lot lately that somehow, someway, I would start having the joy back for this tiring job. I've been trying to pray on my way to work and just have some good conversations with Him. I've been trying to take a minute during my "planning" period to ask for help and thank Him for the good things of the day so far.

Some days it is REALLY hard!

Today it was easy.

Today was one of the best teaching days I've had yet. I'm exhausted (46 middle schoolers will do that to you.)

BUT I think that means I did my job.

I had FUN.

We laughed. we jumped around. we made gestures for the standard we're learning. we voted with our feet to show what we knew. we read (and didn't fake read). we wrote great persuasive arguments (they're hilarious).

It's amazing what you'll get when you put "Persuade me to do something in 8 sentences" on the board.

Don't get me wrong, they still had their moments: I still told the same kid 2348 times to tuck in his shirt. I still told 44 out of 46 students to spit out their gum. I still made them turn around in the hallway to walk back and try it again (quieter) when walking to lunch. I still walked into the room and found two students wrestling on the floor (jokingly, of course. ha.) I still held a thirteen year old girl in my arms while she cried about her Grandpa having a heart-attack today. I still had to countdown for them to shut up. I found an "I'm Watching You, Mrs. Humble!!" sign/post-it note on my computer today.

-But none of that defined our class today.

It felt like one of the few days I can put a check mark by on the calendar and feel semi-successful about. :)

I taught.

Some of them learned. maybe.

I needed today. And. I'm thankful for today (and my kids).

Best thing I've heard in a while...

Levi and I sat outside and handed out candy for Holloween.

I think Spiderman is still the costume of choice for every boy under the age of 10.

Four-year old Spiderman and friend, four-year old Ironman, came to our porch. They seemed harmless at first.

...If you consider masked four-year olds harmless.

As they ran down the driveway, Ironman yells for Spiderman to wait for him. Spiderman seems uninterested in his new friend, Ironman.

When arriving at our steps, I do the usual "oohing" and "aahing" over their overstuffed-fake-muscley-costumes. Spiderman still doesn't speak. Ironman introduces them:

Ironman: (Points to self and speaks in a slow clear voice) I am Ironman. (With outstretched arms to new friend) Meet Spiderman.

Spiderman: (Still nothing but a "Trick-or-Treat.")

Ironman: (Pointing to Spiderman's unusually large pectoral muscles for a four-year old...) Spiderman has BOOBIES!! ...and a belt.

Spiderman: (looks down in utter concern...since he obviously had no idea what a booby was...)

This has definitely been the highlight of my week. :)

throwing off the hat for a while.

I now understand why there are breaks in a school year.

They're not for the students...well, maybe partially, but mostly for the teachers.

I feel semi-normal again. whatever that means.

I didn't realize how much of a hermit teaching made me. I go to school, come home, sleep, go to school, come home, etc... This fall break has helped me step out of that cycle. I'm so thankful.

I got to spend time with good friends yesterday. Friends that I haven't seen in a while. Friends that, luckily, i can pick right back up where we left off. I need to do better about that. Life gets so busy. It's stupid, really.

I need to take more pauses and see what's going on more.

As a teacher, I feel like I wear my "teacher" hat. This break has helped me throw off my hat for a while. I mean, I'm myself while I teach, but not to the extent I would like. I can't be. This fall break is letting me be Kaley again. Which is nice, since the definition of my name has changed so much these past few months. (not to mention the name change itself.)

I'm just thankful for a chance to be refreshed.

I'm thankful to be able to write. and draw. and lay around. and witness fall for a little. I haven't had a chance to notice my favorite season like I usually have.

We're headed to Ohio tonight for a few days. Levi actually took time off, too. :) It'll be nice to see the bonus-family and just be people for a few days. People without a specific title.

I love this break...really.

and my role is what again?

Teacher...
dictionary response: teacher- [tee-cher] –noun
a person who teaches or instructs, esp. as a profession; instructor.

thesaurus: synonyms: abecedary, adviser, assistant, coach, disciplinarian, educator, faculty member, guide, instructor, lecturer, mentor, pedagogue, preceptor, professor, pundit, scholar, schoolteacher, supervisor, teach*, trainer, tutor

Hmm...how can such a simple definition have so many hats?
And, they forgot- nurturer, advocate, leader, etc...you get the point.

I had a student in my class, who usually is way on top of things, start getting really distracted. She wasn't being disruptive, but my teacher instincts told me something was wrong. I pulled in her in the hallway to talk to her. She started balling. She continued to tell me that her aunt and 16 year old cousin had been shot the night before at a barbecue.
really?
so I hold her in my arms and let her cry. I, of course, can't hold back my tears either.
It's a crazy story that I don't have to get into, but this just shows a fragment of a fraction of what my kids go through.
A few weeks ago I had a student out for a week because his older brother overdosed.
I've shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich a few times with a kid who is hungry, and his mom breaks her promise of bringing him lunch. (and there's nothing at home)
There's the kid who has bruises on his arm...and they're not from football practice.

I'm supposed to teach them certain standards when they come into my class.
I teach.
The thing is, to teach I have to pray, laugh, yell, cry, and fight to get through it all.
They don't have a reason to trust me. Most of them don't and won't trust me, but some are starting to show that hope that they can.
They treat me like crap sometimes and talk to me with more disrespect than I thought possible.
But, I get the days where I get hugs (even in 7th grade). I get the comments from students that keep me here. I get the smiles, and when it's a good day- We get the grades that show learning is happening.
teaching is hard.
it's draining.
but i loke it.

next, it'll be Depends

I keep having these weird experiences of realizing that I'm adult. You think that would have happened when I graduated college (it did), or when I got married (it did). This is different though. I was sitting in my room eating with a few students, and they were talking about "what they wanted to be when they grew up." I joined in and started asking the students who hadn't said anything yet. When everyone had shared, I realized no one had asked me. When I said something about not asking me, they all laughed.
I'm 22. I'm not a grown-up.
They thought I was kidding. I started saying the different things I wanted to do. I listed many, many things...who knows if they'll be accomplished, but they're definitely not impossible.
When I kept talking, I had a student say, "but Mrs. Humble, you're already a grown-up. A teacher is what you picked."
Don't worry, I corrected him.
I made sure he knew I still had plenty of time for my other goals and dreams. We went on to talk about something else, but that really stuck with me.
Yes, I'm teaching. Yes, I'm a teacher. Yes, I like my job and I know that I'm doing what I'm "supposed" to be doing right now, but I have other goals...

I think it's ok to want to be teaching, but not want to be doing this job for 35 years until retirement. That mindset isn't right for everyone, right?
maybe I'm just a little off...
Oh, well. However long I teach. I'll teach with my heart. I'll love, teach, nurture, and laugh for as long as I'm needed, but there's more to come. I just feel it.

the ward is out

Humble is in.
Not that I don't journal enough, but I thought I'd give this a real shot.
I have added a few things to my description.
Kaley has formerly been:
sister, daughter, friend, girlfriend, student...

now the new additions:
wife and teacher.
weird.
The wedding world came and went (thank goodness) and now I get to start a life with Levi Humble. A new journey. A new adventure. Something pretty scary, but more than that, exciting. I'm growing up. Or now, I guess I'm a grown up. I'm learning- that's for sure.

I have to be a real teacher- with students- and a classroom- starting Aug. 12th. I have to decorate and organize a classroom next week. I'm a real teacher. I've had some great ones of my own and now I have to try to live up to the job. This will be interesting (to say the least).

I cook now. Obviously that's a change. Real life cooking. I even bake cookies. and pies. Suzie Homemaker? oh, gosh. no. no. no. I just like food. and experiments.

I have a house. That is clean (if you've never seen my room or apartment you wouldn't understand). even weirder. I make my bed now.
who the heck am I?

Is it bad that I like it? I like this phase. I know there are going to be huge changes throughout life and we never stop going. We never stop moving. growing. learning. I am so ok with that. I can easily get stir crazy. I need changes. Changes are welcome when there's some form of constant. I like learning what marriage is and how we work. I like figuring out- even through failing- how we mesh. I like this first year of unknowns and mess-ups. I like learning. I know we won't always be here. I know we won't always have this time. these friends. this nashville. I like this place though. I look forward to tomorrow and three months and ten years and twenty and new adventures and scary journeys and change but...
I like now.